The Danhausen Spite Tour 2024; or, I guess you're all wondering how we got here

Howdy! I'm Dolli and I'll be your (self-appointed) tour guide for the 2024 Spite Tour. I'm the one who'll be terminally online so you don't have to. The story so far...

[Sing to the tune of 'We Didn't Start the Fire' by Billy Joel]

Out for most of '23
        Due to pectoral injury
        But still came out on top for merch
        Like figures and t-shirts

        With jingle from Season of the Witch
        Danhausen's return hit a glitch
        His absence began to gain some heat
        And the song put on repeat

        Finally time to return
        But Creative didn't learn
        That comedy manager was no more
        Actual wrestling was the score!

        Battle Royal at Worlds End
        Danhausen's eliminated by a friend
        Came down to the final three
        But Trent threw him out with glee!

        We didn't start the Spite Tour
        He just needed something
        For his fans to see him
        No we didn't start the Spite Tour
        But it was a dead cert
        That we got a t-shirt

(Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be doing more of these lyrics for the rest of the tour...)

If I had the Infinite Money Glitch or lived on the other side of the Atlantic, I would no doubt be turning up to each and every one of these matches with the inevitability of an unloved season. Alas I do not but, fortunately, we no longer have to rely on tape trading to view indie matches. So, with the power of ✨magic✨¹, I'm road tripping virtually. As it currently stands, leg one of the Spite Tour 2024 runs from February to March, with an odd appearance in May April. The rest of the tour is currently a mystery (read: work in progress), so this...whatever it is...will get updated as and when. Probably.

I may or may not turn this entire thing into a YouTube video, but that depends on (1) if I can get my backside into gear and (b) if there's enough demand from the three people reading this.

¹ "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" - Arthur C. Clarke. Essentially, I'm using the power of online streaming to do my virtual road trip 😉

Stat count

This is the official render from the AEW roster page. However, seeing as he's yet to appear on AEW TV so far this year² (*hard stare in Tony's direction*), I've taken it upon myself to don my official Stat Mistress™ hat and update them accordingly to the real Danhausen 2024 match stats.

Oh, they got this all screwed up...

Right, ladles and jelly-spoons, if you'll follow me I'll lead you to our first tour stop - ROH in Las Vegas....wait, I have an update....OK, I've been told that if you'd prefer to do a detour³ and go straight to the indies, then please follow this route to HOG in Queens. Oh and if you get lost or wanna fast-travel, just hit the Danhausen Spite Tour 2024 label (below and on ya left). And remember, kiddos, rating systems are arbitrary and your enjoyment of something shouldn't be hindered by perceived value from an outside party.

² At the time of writing this, I was ever the eternal optimist and thought him and AEW could work something out. Whilst nothing has been said officially yet, you don't have to be the World's Greatest Detective to realise that it's highly unlikely there'll be an AEW TV appearance this year. Or possibly ever. 

³ I was in two minds whether to include ROH or not, but I suppose it depends on how you're classing the Spite Tour. Personally, I'm counting all matches in 2024, regardless of where they are or who they're with.