The Danhausen Spite Tour 2024 day 2; or, House of Glory 2 March Queens, NY
Get ready to learn the lyrics to Kersed, buddy, because we're finally hitting the indies with House of Glory Wrestling and Joey 'Sweet Cheeks' Silver!
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| If that giant lollipop doesn't end up getting thwacked over someone's head I'm going to be disappointed |
When this graphic was revealed the first thing that popped into my head was this meme:
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| Awesome-o edits done by me in 5 seconds on my phone |
To kick things off, Silver delivered a rather put-together promo with music, locations, props and everything.
Danhausen retaliated with this half-assed effort ("but I'm using my whole ass"). I'll cut him some slack, the guy is damned busy and at least he does acknowledge that his promo took a fraction of the effort that Joey's took.
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| Amazing shot of Danhausen making his entrance. Love that Danhausen™ |
Moving onto match time, the MC announces that this match is scheduled for one fall ("ONE FALL!") and says it's a special blkdfleouiugkdsh match (yeah, I couldn't make out what he said, despite the fact I rewound and listened a billion times 😅). 'Sweet Cheeks' Joey Silver is the first one out, donning a rather fetching light-up fur jacket and throwing candy out to the crowd like a day-glo Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The opening strains of Kersed twang across the speakers and Danhausen makes his way to the ring. Once there, he grabs the microphone as the crowd chants "EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL!" He says because he didn't have time to make a Hollywood promo video, he's done the next best thing and brought a Hollywood-type with him instead...Brian Quinn from Impractical Jokers!
And we're off! Silver taunts Danhausen a few times with his pelvic grinding and they get into a tussle. With leap-frogging and top-rope walking aplenty, Danhausen throws Silver to the outside. There he grabs a Danhausen mask from a fan, puts it on Silver then punches him in the face. Danhausen then resorts to just nicking random bits of clothing from the audience and using them as weapons against Silver (to various degrees of usefulness). They go on a tour of the outside of the ring, stopping for chops to the chest and a selfie with one of the fans. The crowd goes wild when Silver produces a giant box of Kit-Kats and clonks Brian over the head with it, taking him down. Danhausen goes over to check his friend is OK before taking the fight back to the ring. The fight continues until Brian interferes when the ref's back is turned.
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| Joey 'Sweet Cheeks' Silver taunts Danhausen. Stupid sexy Silver |
The crowd start chanting "LET'S GO EVIL!" and Danhausen goads Joey through the ropes, but Silver kicks him as the crowd start a rival chant of "LET'S GO SWEET CHEEKS!" This rallies Joey into some offense, as he downs Danhausen with a few clotheslines and drop kicks. With Danhausen on the mat, it looks like Silver could be coming in for his finisher but not if Brian has anything to do with it! This is Danhausen's cue to perform his curse on Sweet Cheeks, but he misses and it hits Brian, who ends up on the receiving end of Silver's finisher. With a punt kick and a chant of "TEETH, TEETH, TEETH!", Silver gets a jar full of teeth poured down his throat and KO'd by a GTS (is it still called Very Nice, Very Kneevil?) 1-2-3, we have a winner!
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| The ref's reaction is everything |
But, wait, it's not over yet! Announced by the sudden interruption of squealing music that can only be described as 'a strangled cat learning to play the bagpipes', some wrestler/manager¹ makes their way to the ring (accompanied by the current champion) and starts issuing stipulations. Danhausen successfully manages to piss him off by constantly throwing teeth at him, which doesn't help matters. Brian knows the score and scarpers, leaving Joey and Danhausen to fend for themselves. They give short shrift to the champ by throwing him over the ropes, then they turn their attention to the heel manager. With a Danhausen curse and a Silver lollipop to the mush, he's taken down a whole peg whilst Danhausen, Joey Silver, and Brian Quinn hug it out in the middle of the ring.
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| The action is the juicehausen. I LOVE this photo, I need a print of it 💗 |
Disclaimer: I done goofed, folks. I'm pretty sure all of these amazing photos are by 2ndgunny. But in my excited frenzy of saving photos from Twitter/Instagram, I totally forgot to make a note of who did them. Kinda ironic, seeing as 99% of my day job is telling 20 year olds to keep accurate records of their sources. Do as I say, kids, not as I do.
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| Nothing can stop Danhausen from taking a selfie, not even being in the middle of a fight |
SCORE: 5 outta 5 Kit-Kats. Ah, you know you're back watching the indies when all you can hear is feedback on the sound system and wonky camera angles (not a complaint 'cos it's nice to be back 🥰)
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